A stainless-steel water bottle with a red label and a set of seductively-biting lips, accompanied by a very important warning: Don't Put This In Your Ass Even Though It's Shaped Like This. You can never be too careful these days.

Conveniently store your own water, liquor, or e-girl bathwater with this double-walled stainless steel container of definite size! Weirdly enough, the bottle comes in a size that is easy for the average human being to use. The material helps facilitate temperature regulation of the bottle's contents, whether they're hot or they're cold, they're yes or they're no, but only if they're in, not if they're out. To top it all off (pun is completely intended), it comes with an odor-proof and leak-proof lid. You could probably store a fart in there and keep it warm for later (not that I condone this activity, this is for drinking).

*Despite its curvy shape, you should not put this inside your body, or your body inside of it.

• High-grade stainless steel
• 17 oz (500 ml)
• Dimensions: 10.5″ × 2.85″ (27 × 7 cm)
• Vacuum flask
• Double-wall construction
• Bowling pin shape
• Glossy finish
• Odorless and leak-proof cap
• Insulated for hot and cold liquids (keeps the liquid hot or cold for 6 h)
• Patented ORCA coating for vibrant colors
• Hand-wash only
• Blank product sourced from China with original design or corporate riff by Red Pawn

Disclaimer: Keeping water in the bottle for over 24 hours is unhygienic and can result in an unpleasant smell.