A baseball/dad cap featuring the words Secret Service above Presidential Cocaine Taster. Every Great Leader needs someone to taste-test things for them, so as to avoid assassination attempts. The Secret Service does it for the Biden's cocaine. They did it for Trump before he'd touch his daughter. They didn't let Obama drone strike anyone before they personally licked the rockets first. After Lincoln ate a bullet that wasn't taste-tested, the whole system had to be changed from the ground up. Remember when they didn't taste-test JFKs open-top ride through Dallas? Always test it first.

These twill hats are sturdy and comfortable, perfect for keeping the sun out of your eyes and advertising whatever obscene message you decided to put on your hat. Spin this bad boy around and you're instantly 32% more cool. Sadly, this Yankee comes with a brim.

• 100% chino cotton twill
• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile
• 6 embroidered eyelets
• 3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown
• Adjustable strap with antique buckle
• Blank product sourced from Vietnam or Bangladesh, depending on availability. Original design or barely legal riffs by Red Pawn